Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
