Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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