You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
