1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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