Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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