hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
