lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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