I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
