Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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