Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
