at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
