What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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