Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize