We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
