Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's the barista slut.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
