but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
