hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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