dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
