somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
