my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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