my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
