I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
