I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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