I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
