Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
