my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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