you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
