I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
