Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
