Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
