I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize