I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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