hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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