I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish you could order shots online.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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