She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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