dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
