Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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