He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
