a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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