Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
