Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
