I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize