i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
nutella sex= disaster
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
