I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
