do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
