How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
