Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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