i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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