At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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