those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
