I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
