Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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