I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
