Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
