you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
