so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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