Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
