Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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