I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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