Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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