i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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