Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
