there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
