Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
