The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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