Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
