i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
