I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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