Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
