I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
