Porn is love you can see.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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